xxxNews Of The Weirdxxx
Bizarre but true stories about real people collected by syndicated columnist Chuck Shepherd.
Police in Scotia, N.Y., arrested Malinda Kelly in March on several charges but only after they had scurried around for several hours trying to find her “stolen” car and her 3-month-old son, who was inside. The next day, Kelly’s story fell apart. Actually, said police, she had forgotten where she had left the car, which was idling, with the child inside, while she ran down the street to burglarize her uncle’s home. (She came away with some money, but meanwhile lost her own money when a stranger took her purse from the idling car.)
Illinois became the latest state to propose a ban on having one’s tongue aesthetically split, reptile-like (unless done by a doctor or dentist). But the move is unpopular among devotees. “When I first saw it, I thought tongue-splitting was the most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life,” said satisfied splittee James Keen, who spoke to an Associated Press reporter, who observed that Keen “now speaks with a slight lisp.” Said another splitee, who said he could now do party tricks like picking up a pencil with the two halves, “It’s done to better yourself.”
Officials in Lagos, Nigeria, announced that people ticketed for driving recklessly to avoid the city’s notorious gridlock will not be able to drive again until certified “mentally sound” by a psychiatric clinic.
Jessica Parks graduated from high school in Oakland County, Mich., in May, with high grades, a varsity letter in cheerleading, and other entirely typical achievements of high-performing teens, all done without benefit of arms, which she has been without since birth. Among her special skills: putting her contact lenses in with her toes, and driving her car with no special equipment, just one foot on the gas and one on the steering wheel.
Send your Weird News to Chuck Shepherd, P.O. Box 18737, Tampa, Fla. 33679 or Weird@compuserve.com
Copyright © 2001 by Chuck Shepherd
NEWS OF THE WEIRD